If you recall, I stumbled onto the amazing idea of the Hecto-Gram
while writing the intro to last week’s story, and ever since then the imaginary
fans in my head have been leaving comments that they want to hear more about
the Hecto-Granny multiverse, but there’s a problem. The idea is short, I might
have already used up the whole thing.
My solution was to use a short story I wrote about my grandma’s
passing in 2009 as the intro to stretch the idea, but as I was searching I came
across another short story I wrote on the way to my friend Jill’s house. It was raining lightly, somewhere between wiper settings where you can’t quite turn them off, but the lowest
setting is still to frequent, and the wipers chatter and screech across your
windshield like a bare-skin on a metal slide. Just as I was turning off of the
main road and heading up the hill, I noticed three 7-8 year old boys half-jumping
half-wrestling on a slippery trampoline out in the rain. Pure joy radiated off
them. I caught some of the beams and it still makes me smile to remember them.
Jill died this week. She was like a sister to my mother and
like aunt to me. Without Jill’s assertion that I would make a good teacher, my
life would be undeniably different.
I’d like to post this story I wrote in March 2010 in memory of all the time her boys and I spend roaming the woods playing make-believe, and to the beauty
of her, and the beautiful, joyful, greif-filled living of life.
~Tyler McNamara
Trampolines + Boys
(original title: Wrestle Mania 3,000)
"This Sunday! Sunday! SUNDAY! In the DEATH CAGE ARENA. Forget the
ring. ForGET the octagon! Forget cage matches with the razor wire along the
top, 'cause these wrestlers are taking it to the next level in the only round
ring in the federation. THIS IS WRESTLE MANIA 3,000!!
"Here comes Jonathan the Bouncinator stepping into the ring. Tonight’s
battle is going to be a three-way fight to the death—"
"…But if anyone says time out’, you have
to stop."
"Yeah, I know. A four-way fight to the death where time-outs are okay if it’s an
emergency!"
"Cause remember last week when Cameron—"
"Cameron the Head-butter, stepping
into the ring!"
"—Yeah, when Cameron the Head-butter
used his signature butt-to-face move and knocked out your loose tooth and you
called ‘time-out’?!"
"Yeah Andy I remember. Wait, Cam don’t
introduce yourself, that’s the announcer’s job. In the only cage match—"
"This is only a net. I wish we had a
REAL cage."
"Yeah what is this? Wrestle Mania for fish?"
<laughter>
"Guys stop it. You’re ruining the
announcer’s speech! Wait, don't fight yet!"
<SHOVE>
"How come you get to be the
announcer?"
<SPROING!>
"What did you get from the tooth
fairy?"
<GRAPPLE>
"Because it’s my trampoline. Five
bucks."
<PUSH>
"SO? We should take turns."
"NO WAY!"
<TRIP>
"The tooth fairy isn’t real."
"Oh
those are fighting words! ...and it looks like the Bouncinator is lining up for a…
wait hang on… lining up for a… dude
stop, I can’t rocket-bounce you if you keep moving around."
<Skreek... Skreek... Skreek...>
"No Duh! Andy the Tripper doesn’t
let himself get caught in a rocket-bounce!"
"The Tripper? I thought you were The
Leg Jam."
"I was, but then you kept calling me
‘Toe Jam’."
"That wasn’t me. That was THE BOUNCINATOR!"
"HA HA! That’s right! And right now Toe Jam looks like he’s about
to get a… FACE JAM!!"
<CRACK>
"OW! GET OFF!"
<PUNCH>
"Oh no, now the Head-butter is
coming in for the coup d’état."
"Stop using the announcer voice. Guys, I'm the only announcer!"
"Woah, what’s that?"
"It’s the secret move the
Head-butter learned while he was away training in China!"
"Oh is this the one your cousin
taught you?"
<Skreek... Skreek... CRUNCH!>
"OW! NO JUMP
MOVES! AHHHHHHH! MOOOOOOM!"
"I didn’t MEAN
to; the trampoline is slippery! I SLIPPED!"
"Slipped like THIS? OOH, that looked
like it hurt!"
<TRIP!>
"OW! Dude, its time-out!"
<PUSH!>
"NO! No one CALLED it!"
<GRAPPLE!>
"The Bouncenator’s Mom called it."
<SHOVE!>
"I didn’t hear—"
"BOOOOOOYS! It’s freezing and
raining out here!"
"We’re not cold!"
"Come inside please!"
"Come ON mom!"
"I don’t want your parents getting
angry with me when you all catch pneumonia! COME INSIDE!"
"…"
"…"
"...okay."
"Dude, my mom could take your mom in
Wrestle Mania 3,000."
"Ooh, look who’s talking tough now
that we’ve left the ring. We’ll settle this next time Toe Jam!"
"I’m The Tripper now."
"Boys, wait by the door. You're soaking wet. Stop! You’re
getting water everywhere!"
"Sorry Misses Bouncinator."
<LAUGHTER>
"Hey let’s make a fort!"
"Nah, let’s play hide-and-go-seek NINJA STYLE! WHAAAAA-CHOP!"